I miss food. I miss eating because something tastes good. I miss looking down at my plate and wondering where it went so quickly. I miss grabbing a snack or cleaning off the last chicken nugget or mac and cheese off my son’s plate. Let’s face it, I miss using my teeth to scrape off the clumps of powdered cheese off of the wooden spoon used to make the mac and cheese. I miss eating mindlessly. After writing this, I see where some of my difficulty began. I miss sugar.
Here’s the thing, my body does not miss any of these things, but my mind misses what I had grown accustomed to after years and years of conditioning. Sometimes, it takes me an hour to eat 4 ounces of food. I don’t sit in one place that long, so, I gather my cute little dish and carry it with me like a squirrel does its nuts. When I think of my favorite meals, my mind sees the list of ingredients and the protein count - no fun. Nachos- corn chips, nope. Big plate-nope, meat, beans, cheese, light sour cream-SURE! Pizza-crust, nope. (unless it’s almond flour crust that I found last week and will attempt to cook this week). Meat, cheese, veggies - YUP! Baked potato - the potato, nope. The toppings-absolutely. But what I am missing is wha6t was considered the foundation of my meals. Think about that for a second. Thanksgiving dinner without stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, mac and cheese, and rolls. Everyone pretends that the turkey is the star of the show, but we all know better.
I used to get upset when I was eating something delectable and then realized I was full. Now,I have to stop looooonnnggg before I am full or else I will get sick. I hate vomiting more than I love overeating. Don’t they say that a habit forms after doing the same thing for 21 days? I’ve been at this for 42 days and still have to remind myself not to lick the blueberry cream cheese off the knife after making my husband’s breakfast. I had decided long ago to eat less real sugar instead of sugar-free foods. Yeah, that didn’t work either.
Learning this new body and new way is tough, mentally. I”m losing inches like crazy and the pounds are going down. Just like after I’ve taken allergy meds for a while and then decide I don’t need them because I’m fine, I”m afraid I will forget what all is involved in this tool and try to add old habits back in. Maybe it will become second nature after the next 42 days.
I guess that’s part of the reason I am writing this. I want to remember that there is nothing easy about it. It has been physically and mentally tough, but I’m doing it, and doin it and doin it well.
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