Y'all, I’m feeling nervous today. I’m not nervous about the surgery, but just wondering if I have everything I need beforehand and everything for my family and my recovery after. I am not new to surgery, anesthesia and pain. About twelve years ago, after working out religiously with a couple trainers, I decided to have liposuction. Dr. Kind Guy removed six pounds of fat from my belly, back, waist and knees. That was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced. It’s when I learned that Vicodine does not work for me; just puts me to sleep, still in pain. Right about the time I was expecting to see my results, I became pregnant with my oldest daughter. No regret there.
Back to nerves, I had not thought about what nightgowns I would wear during recovery! Thank goodness for the two groups I’m part of on social media because their discussions reminded me. Most of the things I am purchasing for surgery are things I have needed, and have put off getting because, well, this mom tends to her own needs last - working on this in therapy as well. I needed slippers, a robe, nightgowns, panties, a heating pad and hair. Yes, HAIR!
For those who have the ‘wash n go’ type hair, let me tell ya, the black hair care struggle is real. I need to remember to take my bonnet to the hospital because cotton pillow cases damage my hair. I can’t wear my current style of “wet and wear” because I won’t be able to wash my hair and braid it daily for a while. I need to get my hair done before surgery. If I get individual braids, it will take 6-10 hours and could cost over $200. If I get crochet, it will only take 2-4 hours and will cost under $200. If I use synthetic hair, I will need to treat it before going to the salon. Treating the hair means that I soak the bundles in apple cider vinegar, water and a tad of shampoo to release some of the processing chemicals to which I am allergic. After I treat it, I hang it to dry before going to get it installed into my own braids on my own head. If I use human hair…I’m not sure if I have to treat it because I have not been able to afford human hair. I am not allergic, won’t have to treat it, it looks more natural and is reusable. One pack of three is over $150 and I would need two packs. What’s a girl to do?! Ps, this is why black women and girls kindly request that others keep their hands off of our locks. Hair Care is expensive, takes a lot of work and the oils on hands messes with our tresses, or the tresses of those who have donated to the cause.
I just realized that I am nervous because this is for me and me alone. I have spent nearly a year in Taiwan as a missionary. I have traveled to Italy for three weeks (twice) for a photography class. I have left my husband and young children behind for five weeks to help pastors and the Bishop in Uganda. I have built houses and distributed eye-glasses in Mexico. But this; this is for me. And that terrifies me. If I fail, I have no one to blame. As a recovering perfectionist, I do not want to fail. I can’t fail. I won’t fail. And what is failure anyway? The only way I can fail is to give up and, if you know me, you know that is not ever an option. So there, failure fears put to rest. It is time for me to see me, honor and respect me and put me first. Funny, that was my goal at the beginning of the year. I said that I wanted to secure my own oxygen mask before securing the masks of others. Well, Jenn, oxygen masks have fallen from the ceiling. Secure the cup over your nose and mouth, then pull the cords on each side. It’s time to take a deep breath.
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