Man oh man, I have been on the cycle of guilt this weekend. I’m doing great with my planning and tracking, then I justify a bite of this or a small fries of that and then I’m cast into the downward spiral of dark and yucky shame. “I’ve ruined it. I can’t keep doing this. Why don’t I just say NO?” In reality-land, I have not ruined anything. In one day, I had protein shakes, cheese sticks, a salad and a small order of fries. Were those choices based on my new goals and plan? Mostly, yes. Will I have to learn to not eat french fries with my salad…yeah, that’s gonna be a tough one.
About fifteen years ago, I attended an International Communication Conference in Chicago, IL with a colleague. When we arrived at our swanky hotel, it was late and we were hungry. I wanted Mexican food or a burger. She ordered salad, and fries. I canceled my order and doubled hers. It was the perfect combination plate; cold and crispy along with hot and crunchy/soft, super healthy and super indulgent. It was the Ying and the Yang baby! And with that simple meal, a memory was created and for fifteen years, I have eaten fries with my salad.
So much about what, why, how much, when and where we eat stems from memories. When I eat a “HOT” Krispy Kreme doughnut (dang, why am I talking about this? My mouth is watering). I am teleported to a car in Atlanta, GA where I was introduced to my first taste of this sweet, sugary, chewy cloud of goodness. What memories do you have about the foods you love? Our first meal in our first microwave was hot dogs with canned chili and American cheese - Oh my gosh, we should be preserved forever just from that one meal! We planned for that meal, shopped and timed that meal. Now, when I make chili, I save enough for a chili dog (with or without American cheese).
I was walking through the park on July 4, 2021 when I saw and smelled smoke billowing from a huge, black grill. Tears filled my eyes because the smell reminded me of the ribs my dad used to make every holiday that he was able. Man, I missed him at that moment. Don’t even get me started on the smell of Lawry’s seasoning salt and fried chicken.
Our brains and bodies hold memories. Those memories can be triggered by a sight, smell, sound, feel or just a quiet moment of remembrance. There also comes a time when we acknowledge those memories and move forward with what serves us better at the present time in our lives. My body does not like hot dogs, doughnuts or ice cream (wahhhhhh), so why do I keep eating them to keep memories alive? When will I pay attention to my body instead of feeding it junk and demanding it perform optimally? For now, I will do my best to hold memories in my heart and not my stomach.
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