The Last Suppoer

     Girl, I have been bracing myself for today for the last two weeks.  Why is it that now that I am determined to end this toxic relationship I have with food and eating and the half of my body that feels the need to hoard calories for a rainy day, I can only think of the foods I will never eat again?  Of course, this is an exaggeration, but in my mind, it’s reality.  I have to talk to myself a lot.  “Am I hungry?  Am I thirsty?  Do I have a meal plan for today?  Can I make the same foods for the family as for myself?”  I wanted to eat pizza, sushi, chocolate, ice cream and french fries just so that I could remember what my favorite foods were. Interesting that these are the foods that contributed to my having a complex chronic condition of being morbidly obese.

    So many times, we go back to our abusers; either mentally or physically. We think, "they didn't hit me, they apologized, they didn't mean it." No more excuses. I guess I"m not only breaking up with half of me, but also breaking up with habits and patterns that have been ingrained into my lifestyle. They are no longer serving me.

Starting today, I begin my pre-op diet.  I realize that, until now, I have not disclosed exactly how I planned to break up with half of myself.  That was your first clue.  My pre-op diet looks a lot like the Slim Fast or Keto diet.  It includes a lot of protein (90 grams/day), and meat and veggies with low carb.  I was thinking, dang, if I could regularly eat like this, I wouldn’t need such a drastic end to a life-long battle with my weight.  This morning, half of me was worried, really worried, that I was going to be hungry.  I’m rarely hungry in the mornings, and I keep myself busy throughout the day.  But today, I had to closely look at my plan and start prepping for dinner at 7:30am. 

Breakfast - Protein Shake and hot tea (learning to avoid caffeine)

Snack - Cheese Stick

Lunch - 2 ounces of ground turkey with cabbage (yummy egg-roll bowl)

Snack - Protein drink

Dinner - 2 ounces of chicken with cauliflower rice and broccoli

That’s my plan for today.  The idea behind this diet is to shrink the liver by eliminating sugar and carbs from my diet.  This will make my surgery more successful.

There, I said it!  In two weeks, I am having weight-loss surgery. After working with my doctors, dieticians, and nutritionist, I have decided to undergo duodenal switch bariatric surgery.   I have kept silent about this for four months because I feared what others might say.  I now realize that whoever knows me, knows that I research, think deeply and weigh out (most) things before jumping in.  I also know that everyone understands their own journey and would never feel comfortable commenting on my choices toward a healthier lifestyle.  I know that people will not negatively comment on my weight loss, just like they didn’t negatively comment on my weight gain.  

I usually like to do things in silence and then present them once I have finished.  This is different.  I want to share the steps I am taking and solicit support from friends.  I am so excited.  I know that this is not a magic solution.  Just like any other weight-loss program, it is a tool.  It will challenge me to overhaul my household meals, snacks and activities.  I will be able to sit on the floor or go for a walk with my kids.  I will teach them healthy options for making yummy meals and snacks.  This is life-changing and it starts now!